Is it any wonder I am half crazy? The following is a real world conversation I had with Tess this afternoon. For those of you who are not in the know, Tess is my part time, some time, on again, off again girlfriend. A few more conversations like this and it will definitely be off again.
Tess: Did you go to the city yesterday?
Ken: Yes, I took Mom and Dad up so they could do their fall shopping at Costco.
Tess. Did you get the things I asked you to pick up?
Tess: (interrupting) Why not?
Ken. They didn't have it. The Chinese store was out of glutinous rice flower and the Super Store was out of milkfish and agur.
Tess: They were out? They shouldn't be out. Maybe you just didn't any money with you.Ken: Huh? Of course I had money with me.
Tess: I don't see why they would be out.
Ken: (sighing) Were they out when you were there last week?
Ken: (interrupting) Then why are you having a hard time understanding it now?
Tess: Did the Super Store have any other fish?
Ken: They had freezers full of it. They just didn't have milkfish. Just like they went three months without threadfish, remember?
Tess: Did you get me any other fish?
Ken: (aarrgghh) Why would I get you any other fish? Didn't you tell me you had lots of other fish? Didn't you tell me not to get you any other fish? Did you not say not to get you anything but milkfish?
Tess: Did you get me anything else?
Ken: (sighing) You asked for glutinous rice flour, milkfish, and aguar. You didn't ask for anything else.
Tess: I am out of Philippine crackers. You could have gotten them.
Ken: How would I know you were out of crackers?Tess: Why are you getting mad?
Ken: Because you are crazy!
A few minutes later:
Tess: Where are you going.
Tess: What are you going to Robins?
Ken: (sighing) The same reason everyone goes to Robins. I want a coffee.
Tess: Why not go to Tim Horton's?
Ken: Robin's is closer and they have a drive-through. Timmie's doesn't.
Tess: You could go inside.
Ken: So I should drive an extra block so I can go inside and stand in line for 10 minutes?
I swear. I do not believe this woman ever thinks about anything that comes out of her mouth.
In actuality this conversation took twice this long. She was clearly not paying attention to half of it and I had to keep repeating it. I could see her translating from English to Ilicano in her head and when she does that I know she isn't paying attention. Not that it would make any real difference. If she had been paying attention the conversation would have been even more stupid.
God have mercy. Inter-cultural relationships are really just too much work for someone whose fuse is as short as mine.
(Originally posted to Multiply October 9, 2008)